If it wasn't for rain, I could have watched Andy Roddick's final match in the comfort and safety of my own room. I could have maintained some dignity knowing that only the cat and my father would know just how many tears I shed.
But no. Instead it rained for most of Tuesday night and the final point was called this afternoon while I was running on the treadmill in the gym before my group exercise class. I made sure to tune one of the TVs there to ESPN2, and prepared myself for a run fueled by emotion rather than adrenaline.
It was Andy's last service game, and I imagined that I could ensure that he held serve by running with just a little more determination. It worked, but it was only to be followed by what everyone knew was almost certainly Andy's last professional game. I couldn't hear the crowd, and had only the best efforts of the closed captioner to relay the commentary to me, but I could feel what everyone in Arthur Ashe was feeling. I was right there with them. And when it was all over, I was just as distraught as Brooklyn in Andy's player's box. Only I didn't have any sunglasses to hide behind, and I was running on a treadmill in the middle of the gym.
It turns out that you can't really sob and run at the same time, while I was running it was like my body refusing to give into a complete bawling breakdown. That makes sense, you need your lungs to taking in air, after all. But the tears still came, and I must have looked more than a little ridiculous to anyone who happened to see me. But the gym is like a crowded train, most people tend to avoid actually looking at anyone else. That's what I tell myself, anyway.
Afterwards I took a moment to go ahead and be a big baby about it. You guys, this is Andy. This is Wimbledon, this is the Davis Cup, this is the US Open, this is 150 pounds. I needed a moment. And then I splashed some water on my face and went in for a little Fitness Fundamentals, where I was happily able to keep some sense of decorum as I lunged, lifted, and crunched.
So Andy goes out the last American man to win a grand slam, and I become the girl that cries when she runs...